I'll always love you, please remember that.

Impressive

I never use this account anymore but people still start following me. Thank you. If you want my new blog though to follow me (this goes for everyone following me) message me through my Ask Box and I’ll pass on my URL.

February 2nd, 2012

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but try your best to keep your head held high and make it look like it isn’t bothering you at all… Easier said then done yes but keep working on it and you’ll do fine in the end. So here I am holding back the tears and turning my head the other way looking at the things in life that I have to be thankful for… Also easier said then done. See here’s the thing, I know for a fact that losing a group of good friends is my own fault. It was easily preventable if I had of just spoken up more and made them see they meant something to me. Except I didn’t and I don’t with a lot of people who mean a lot to me, not anymore. I met them all online years back and it was always my own fault when we drifted apart. Each time I spoke up and opened up to them again I was accepted back into their lives. But Im thinking as much as I love them and the great memories I hold with them when we got along, it could be time to let things run their own course. I can’t keep pulling away when things here are tough for me only to show up in people’s lives again when I’m doing better, it isn’t fair to them and it isn’t easy on any of us. It’s like tearing a bandaid off after the wound just started to heal. 

Somehow though, online, I got mixed with a new group of friends. A younger crowd then the ones I talked about previously and now Im finding myself stuck there, like I can’t relate to anyone else anymore. Yeah silly I know, but what can you do when your mind thinks this way? So I pulled away from the friends who I was closer to then anyone else, the ones I knew would always be there for me. Why? I have no clue and Im pretty pissed off at myself for it. I’ve basically fucked up some great friendships with people I could’ve been close to until the day I died. 

Life’s a bitch, most I can do is strap myself in for the ride and take each hit as it come at me. Doesn’t mean I don’t hold regrets though, that I don’t wish I could fix things and make them right. I just… I can’t face them anymore, not this time. Every thing’s different, the situation is different, and Im not the same person I was a few years ago. And is it really fair to press myself onto people I pulled away from so many times over the years? I miss them though of course, it wasn’t as if I never thought of them and how my actions hurt them. Honestly, I deserve to lose them as friends after I pulled away. 

My depression has worsened over the last couple of months, especially from the middle of January on. Majority of posts I reblog are about depression and how I feel in that moment. Im sure those who follow me would like to see me get better and in order to do that Im thinking of dropping this account, leaving it inactive, and starting fresh to see if that helps me any. I’m sure I’ll follow a lot of the people I’m following now on this one but maybe, to keep myself from falling back into my normal reblogs now I may want to avoid following any blog that also deals with depression as mine does these days. 

I’d also like to say thank you to those who I’ve gotten the chance to be close to over the years, it’s been real nice having you in my life and having gotten the chance to be let into your lives. I’m sincerely sorry for how I’ve been, for the way I don’t talk to any of you much anymore. Do I have the right to say I miss you? Even if I don’t, well I miss you anyway. Im sure you will all live good and happy lives, you’ll get married to people you’ll fall in love with and will always have each other. That makes me smile knowing that. 

I’d like to thank my other followers too, those who’ve seen how low my mood has been lately and that have sent inboxes with words of encouragement and showing your belief in me, for showing that you support me.

Well I guess this is goodbye then until I’ve decided whether to make a new tumblr or not. If I do make one, I’ll be sure to make one last post over here giving you the link to it if you’d like to continue seeing how Im doing or whatever else.